Tonight I have been doing a lot of "blog stocking". And one thing that I noticed as a common theme on everyones blog, was how they always write about how greatful they are for their children and their husbands. So, how come I complain so much about mine? I vowed to stop whinning about my sanity and I am now also vowing to stop complaining about my family. We have been through some tough challenges in life lately, a lot of unhappiness coming from everyone, and I think that as the mother and caregiver and taker of this family, I need to do my job and help make everyones life better. I read on someones blog this statment: "I am not a good mother, I am an ok mother, but I try my best and that is all that I can expect of myself. I only hope that my children know how much I love and appreciate them, then in their eyes, I am a great mother."
Ok, where do I even start with this! I know that I have a lot of faults, and I know that lately, I have had more bad then good days with my kids and I know that I set the attitude in my home. I know that days that I start out yelling at my kids to get ready for school, to stop waisting time, to just do this and that and to stop touching each other and to stop fighting, I feel that attitude the rest of the day, and I know they do to. I need to come up with a better plan of things to do and say to my children to get them to mind without me yelling or saying stop it NOW 100 times! I want my kids to love me and know that I love them more than anything in this world. I know that this is unhealthy, but I define myself with my children. I would be nothing without them, my whole day and my whole life is centered around them, and it drives Riley crazy! I hate to leave my children with other people because I don't want to burden them, I feel that my kids are my responsibility and no one elses, but I also know that I need to let that go a little bit!
And on another blog, "oh let them be little . . . "
When Kaylix was first born, it was hard to have 2 small babies and 2 older children. All 4 are very demanding of your time. I spent a lot of time wishing away the time. I couldn't wait till Keegan and Kaylix were older so that my life would be easier and I would be able to get some sleep and I would be able to send all the kids some where else to play so I could make dinner without 4 kids crying and whinning and making it hard. And many other things. Then Melissa posted something on her blog that made me stop doing that . . . for a little while, but still if I wish it away, I feel guilty! But, I would not trade my position for anything. I admit there are still days that I am wishing that they were a little bit older, like when I am buying sooooo many diapers, or when I didn't get enough sleep because Kaylix was awake 10 times during the night, or when I am trying so hard just to do the laundry, but I have 2 crying babies, or Keegan likes to help by taking all the clothes that I have folded and put them back in the laundry basket, unfolded. But, I know that those things too shall pass!!! I want to appreciate more the time and stage that I am in in life right now and love my kids for who they are and how special they are right now.
Another said " I am not one to show PDA, put this is PDG, for those who don't know, PDA, is public display of affection, and PDG is public display of gratitude." So here is my PDG, I love my children and my husband more than anything in this world. I owe so much to all of them for the things that they teach me every day and for the love that they show me everyday. I want to try and be better in my role as supporting actress!!! I want to win the award for best supporting actress in my role as wife and mother!!! I want Riley to know how much I love and appreciate him for all the hard work that he does, both at work and at home. I want my kids to know how much I love them for their special spirits and for the joy that they bring into my life. I want them to really and truly know that they are loved and appreciated by me more than anyone else in this world. I want my kids to feel like they are a special part of our family and that we would be lost without them. Just to give an example of how I need to do a better job of this, a few months ago, Chelsey said, "Keegan is probably sad that Kaylix was born." Me: "Why?" Her: "because he probably wonders why no one loves him anymore, every one loves the baby now." I was totally heart broken to think she would think that or even feel that way, because I know that if she thinks Keegan feels that way, she must be feeling it. So, I explained to her that no one loves Keegan or anyone else any less than before, there was just one more person to love, and there is enough room in everyones hearts to love all of them the same and never stop loving anyone of them or loving anyone any less. So I know that I need to work on showing more love and appreciation to all my kids.
So here is my 2 page essay, but I have some things that I need to work on and I am asking for suggestions and things that you all do in your home to keep the peace and have happy, helping children! And begging to help me be a better mom.
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I am so feeling you on this. You sound just like I did, when my twins were brand new and I had a toddler and a husband who was a full-time student with a full-time job. It was the worst year of my life. I was practically a single mom raising three busy boys on my own. I wouldn't go back to that year for all th emoney in the world. Don't feel guilty. You are normal. Life is tough! you take it a day at a time. You are a good mom who loves her kids and gives alot of time to them. It wears on ya after a while.....normal. Hang in there. As my mother-in-law always says, "This to, shall pass".
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